New Employee Rules



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Surgery:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes
a breach of employment.

Personal Days:
Each employee will recieve 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Vacation Days:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan 1, July 4, and Dec 25.

Bereavement Leave:
There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

Out From Your Own Death:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get thirty minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average
figure. Fat people get five minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary; if we see you wearing $350 Prada Sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag we assume you are doing well financially
and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank You for your loyalty to our organization. We are here to provide positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, comtemplation's, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.


Nguyễn Hoàn Khải sưu tầm